Back to blog again ^^ Its already in the last week of year 2 sem 1. Enjoying with the junior and also senior. Tomolo will have big party, dominoes and many things to eat. On the other hands, accurately one more month, i have to send someone go..gonna miss her..Dun forget to come and see the blog and i will update whatever things happen here. We had make many sweet memories in this short while. Hope you can bring it with you ^^

My future ....~ Music vs Education

Nowaday, especially today, i have a really strong feeling on changing my course... feel like want to escape from it and turn into the things i really like to do... Y? Y suddenly i have this thought? What my feeling towards music is sooooo strong until i just get stress from music..Not even the course i am studying now!!! I am confusing now!!! totally!! Should i just end up this things i am done? But, how i want to tell my parents? Will they be angry or support me to go for it? i really hope i could go into the music field, though i still blurring about my future, but i hav thought to become an orchestra conductor, or a singer, or a performer and with base on god... What i should do now? I Love MuSiC. I like listen to song, i like to sing, i like to play, i have deep interest in everything related to music, the shirt with notes, or piano...what i should really do? God, I know if i keep think like this, i will dunno what to do...now, i want to hand it to you..Please god, Show me what should i do now? is it the assignment, that make me feel tension, or i really love music, or i am lazy? Music, Early childhood education??? I really want to make many song to serve god...can i cope with it? I really hope i can...

I really want to fly to the sky ady...happy until...1st time for after 8 year...we talk again, although is not face to face...it already is a big enough for me >.< I though that he will ignore me..but seems like i make a wrong guess... *cry happily* He reply my message, and even CHAT !!!! It really suddenly change to a very sweet memory...hope it will last from now until forever! For 8 years, although i have change, for my personalities, my characteristics, still there are some big big black mark in my heart, although i not yet ask or tell him about what had really happen to me since that very moment, but it can be consider as a good start to build the friendship again * blast in big drop of tears* It really is a joy to me. The moment i open the chat box, i was really scare that he will ignore it, It was the opposite!! when we start to chat, my heart is like start to putting down a big stone slowly and it start to crash little by little... although it just go on for a while.. But i would like to say a big: THANK YOU..which still accept me as your friend *guessing* REally a bunch of thankful with tears for you.. Although, you have gave me a totally bad memory for my standard 6 life.. still, because of that, i begin to stand up year by year and now i am who i am now... Suddenly think of god, 'god, it really is a miracle, i cant imagine we will welcome this day..it really surprise me.. THe first time ever since then, i feel happy until having tears in my eyes, it really had nearly crashed down all my bad memory for the past 8 years, god, you really is the one who always love me and thank god that give me this opportunity to talk to him again.. Although i still not confirm what will happen in future, but this friendship i really will keep it forever and always appreciate it...there is a little wishes i would like to make at here, and may god bless me , i really hope that, one day, i could share gospel to him and he will accept it and together, we will be your son and daughter and serve you until the end of our lives ^^

Today, Sunday, 9 May, its our mother day and our church is celebrate 'shuang qin jie'...i really tearing like a river..and it cant stop ...luckily i was able to stop it as the service start as i am the pianist... i dun want to cry as they sing a very happy song...so....But, it really makes me suffer a lot..I'm wondering that, y cant the people take serious with his own job and if someone can help, he should be appreciate that he was helped but it make me waited like a stupid in church for about an hour... Everytime when the same thing happen the only words can come out from the mouth of his is only sorry...does it mean that a sorry can make up everything start again? NO! and definitely NO!! it not just this people, shall i say that all you church youth member really like to be late on gathering or whatever circumstances... i really dunno what to say..is it time is not important or, they put god in the last place in their mind? i am wondering.. Although i had a hard time at the beginning of the day, but then, from there, immediately, i get comfort from many people and it had helped me to regain my energy and strength to do anything which waited me to done it. God also let me see that i am not the one which is keeping fighting with all the things to be done and there are many people which support me silently...Church is really a great place for me and i enjoy it very much... From there, i also found a friend like pastor which already saw my different kind of expression >.< and i really hope that he will keep staying in my church, but then, if he really need to go, thats the time i need to hold myself up with God strength and keep on to serve god and people and of course with all the member in church.
TO end my today blog, The only words i would like to say is : 'Thank You!!' To whoever comfort me, give me advice and the one which create the problem and make mess for my morning because maybe this is the things which god want me to learn :' PATIENT'!! aND Happy Mother's day^^

the 2nd day of caroling

something happen to me during the caroling session in 24th december.We went to a house where located at 17th floor.. compare to wait for the list, i prefer to climb the stairs..as i had a long time didnt go for jogging long time and i run up the stairs..once i reach there, my first feeling was very tired, i can feel my heartbeat was very fast... As we sang along into her house, i started to feel dizzy and i kept singing with standing. starting from 2nd song, i started feel really dizzy and difficult in breath and i stop singing and i started loses balance and although my eyes was open, but my vision start to blur and finally everything is black and i am unbalance for now and the only thing i can do is faint. Before i fell, i heard a small voices( the voices was small and it become blur when my eyesight also blur) and i know is mom who take me to sofa to rest and it make me feel a little bit sorry for the host as i am the guest and still in caroling. Then, pastor give me a kind of medicine for dizzy to hold on and it works very well and it make me recover fast.Really thanks for their help although after that still have a little bit unbalance and dizzy. Through this incident, i also realize that many of them really take care of me and they kept asking me whether i am ok or not.. really thx to them, such as shi qing, michelle, ying qian, and many of them. And when i open my eyes again, i saw a person sitting in front of me and although he didnt ask or talk to me, but it really comfort me and encourage me to be ok. Then, we continue to caroling in few more house and at last, we went to choir teacher's house and its fun at there^^ WE countdown at there and we play and i ate two bowl of food...haha^^ As the caroling end, it means that christmas is here and through it i learn many things and think more.

A n after christmas night^^

Today is my younger brother's birthday.. didnt celebrate..^^ But there was a fun things happen during night... i went to friends house for party and my youngest brother calls and said that our home had no light...the whole street, the whole area..When i went back at 10 something, it continuously no light and it was complete dark in whole area. After reach home, i realize that nobody was at home then, i know that they are back from dinner near our house...we START to light up the house by using the fore and the candle..although its not the first time we are having this kind of circumstances, but it is the first time without parents and i felt a little bit scare..then i use the candle to light up the place where i need to go.. after settle, and all the bed was at downstairs ,at 11.11pm.. the light came and we have to move back all the things back to upstairs the poorest things is my two younger brother..they just took the heavy bed down and need to move up again ..haha.. during the time in dark, i feel afraid and unsecured and realize that how important is the light..and i also thought of some of the things i heard that we as a christian resembles the light of the world and we need to bring the light to the non-christians.. and i can understand a little bit the world of the non-believers is that dark and its sometimes full with scare and it doesnt had any good feel in there...
seems like the words stop at there..haha...cause thats the only thing i thought of in the short period of time...
Now is already late in the night. its time to bed..Bye and see you next time^^

A view on whole year

Especially want to thanks someone...
and i have done few first time with him..
1) there is first time in my life when i cannot sleep at night and feel scare, i called him. He comfort me.
2) I fought with mother...father scold me....then i went to church and pray..then i find him
again. He accompany me by my side then he tell me his own experience me and give me
advice and tell me to practice to be patience start from 3 minutes...
3) In christmas, he share the words and it make me stunned and it makes me thinks more deeply and realize that i have a complete family from young and i am more lucky then him...

It makes me really THANKS to him... and its like an angel that gods sent to stand beside me and allways remind me to back to god whatever happened. I really cant imagine when one day he left what will be my reaction and my expression to send him away...its the first time i took the steps to ask for help and thanks god i found the right person.. i know that he will probably not see this message..But its truly from my heart...

Finally,the only words i would like to say is " THANK YOU^^" to my pastor in charge in this year( MT)... i dunno there will be how many first time i will face and ask for your help but...the finest things i would like to say is only THANK YOU